adulting

i cannot believe my whole childhood i wanted to be 18 and once i turned 18 i realized i will forever be a 5 year old.
as i sit here behind this key board indulging in the potato chips my mom constantly begs me not to eat, i am thinking of one thing, *DUN DUN DUN* my future. both my near and distant future. a few things on my mind specifically are: WHO am i going to live with, WHERE am i going to live, what classes do i need to take next semester in order to graduate in four years (its not going to happen i'm sorry mom), what i'm going to study, and if i'm ever going to get a job. i just want to get rid of this uncertainty and have a plan knowing that i will not regret any of the decisions i make.

tonight i was invited to live with some of my closest friends *see previous post*, but i feel so committed to a group of people already. i know if i end up with my close friends i will be happier in the long run, the only problem is that if i bail on the current group, and my friends end up living on campus, i'm s.o.l. i don't want to make this process any more complicated for anyone by insisting that my friend live off campus so i can live with them or telling my current group, "oops, sorry.. byeeeeee find another person!!" at the same time, if i think of my self for just one time in life, it would be nice to save my parents money and for me to be happy.

the last few days i've been worrying about my class schedule for next semester since registration is opening up. since my school is so impacted, they are not worried that sophomores need classes and give them the last possible time to sign up for classes. unfortunately, this coming semester i will be a sophomore... in fall 2016 i only need 4 more GEs but am planning to take 5 or 6 classes since i cannot take upper division classes until junior year, i need to take electives for my major... this is where i run into a problem... WHATS MY FUCKING MAJOR?  some might say this is where i should explore different majors and take electives that seem interesting, this is my next problem, in order to save as much money as possible, my mom is insistent on me finishing in four years. the combination of all the classes begin taken and not knowing what classes to even take, i am at a complete loss.

if it was up to me, i would be living rent free with everyone i love not worrying about which classes i need to take, or how much money i can spend on coffee this week so i can eat lunch the next weekend or get on the bus. something the 5 year old me was lucky enough to never have to worry about thanks to my loving parents and family. **don't forget to show the appreciation your moms (and dads) deserve for everything they have done and will continue to do for you. happy mothers day!**

this bag of chips was new at the beginning of this rant, it's nearly finished.
goodnight

❀ Princess Biitch ❀